caspian

Reflections of Honduras

It’s been a month since I first arrived into the country, and as I write this now I am slowly taxiing off from San Pedro Sula.

There’s a lot to digest at the present moment, having spent such an extensive time in the middle of a forest for a month, and in all honesty I’m not sure how this entry will develop as time progresses. I don’t want to rush journaling.

Presently my thoughts -

I had no idea it’s now the 47th most dangerous city, as a few years ago it was ranked 5th, then 3rd. Ben says it changed rapidly since 2022. There’s a lot of development going on in the urban areas and I’m curious to see how it progresses.

A small group and I agree on feeling sidelined during the expedition. It was refreshing to know I wasn’t alone in that. Two of us felt identical in the aspect that we were hired as staff but treated like RAs. Alone-wise, they’ve got a group chat without me, but I’m limited in my control on that. It’s likely down to them spending a lot of time together when I was mostly crossing paths. I think the boys like me from the trip. It’s hard with social cues and feeling ever so slightly out of place to pinpoint exacts, but I know at the very least I’ve made friends. I’m content with that on that matter though I know I’m not as close as the others are together. But I am quite close with other people, so that makes me feel content.

The time in the jungle showed to me that despite how hard I’ve been working on myself the last 4 years, that there’s still areas to improve upon. This isn’t a bad thing at all, and I’m glad to be aware of it now. It’s shown me how much progress I’ve made since moving to the UK. For me now, I’m focusing on being deliberate in my word choices, forcing myself to listen and take in what’s truly being said before responding. It’s so hard to do this at present especially when I’ve got a head full of words and so many points I want to cover.

The other thing I’m striving for is removing guilt association when I receive adjustments or ask for help. I know what I need, I know my limits, and voicing them isn’t a problem, it’s the guilt associated with it that I struggle with. The trip made me realise how much apologising I do for things I cannot control about myself. I can’t control how a situation makes me feel, especially when it comes to sensory processing difficulties, but I can impact how others respond to it. I’m far from getting this sorted 100% if the time, but it’s a work in progress. I’ve started deliberately thanking people for their understanding, patience, and time when they assist me with things such as moving seats in a car, quieting themselves outside my tent at night, or turning down the seat-rattling bass from a Honduran bus’s stereo. I hope to see my progress over the next few months.

Some interesting points during my research in Cusuco:

  1. We borrowed Skylink from the Honduran military
  2. Guanales camp was closed because a staff member got shot after reporting illegal loggers in the camp
  3. There was a measles outbreak in Buenos Aires and we were on mega lockdown at the camp
  4. I went to bed alone in a tent and woke up with three other guys in there
  5. In that same tent I was serenaded by an acoustic rendition of the Backstreet Boy’s “Tell me why” within 5 minutes of awaking
  6. We laughed too hard at 1am about naming someone “Clipboard”
  7. Big Al calls me Old Casp
  8. Sam (from Bradford) and I are going to Knaresborough on a date
  9. Maxime showed me how much whimsy a man can have at 6.30 in the morning by bolting at full speed after what he thought was a butterfly but was in fact a moth. He was in his pyjamas and wielding a butterfly net in one hand and a coffee in the other
  10. Going down the mountain in the back of a pickup truck and coming out looking like I was a child in the mines mixed with a young Justin Trudeau
  11. Maxime speaking fluent Spanish with the thickest French accent ever

Things I really enjoyed

  1. Running a drawing workshop with students on how to draw insects, and having them be extremely engaged.
  2. Showing students the light trap and helping a student get over her fear of moths, even holding one. She got two stickers from me as an award
  3. Having a student request a drawing of an insect from me to put in her junk journal. She has my email as she’d love a Christmas card (she was so sweet. I hope she continues loving nature and learning).
  4. My working relationship with Tom. Our skills combined to make a great team, even when we were a bit frustrated with scheduling and feeling sidelined. He’s really cool and I hope we stay in touch.
  5. Practicing my Spanish, getting over the awkwardness.
  6. Being told I have good Spanish by José, who then proceeded to show me his music taste and we had a conversation in the weirdest Spanglish mix I’ve ever achieved.
  7. The first shower in the hotel.
  8. The second shower after the first didn’t clean my hair well enough because of how much dirt was in there.

I'm so thankful to have experienced this even with the ups and downs. I hope to be able to return someday.

Cheatsheet image example

Leave a comment Komments