First day
Last Monday, my manager told me that my contract could be extended for a period of 6 weeks. I knew going into the position that it would be a temporary fix for a job until I could find something a bit more permanent, but the higher ups at the institution waited until 4 days before my contract was set to be up to inform her of the offer. The entire team, including her, was waiting for a response back from admin for over eight weeks, leaving everyone on edge and wondering if I would be able to stay.
Contracts are a really new concept to me. Coming from the American work culture where jobs are divided into "hourly vs salaried", I had no idea what a contract even entailed. Temp work is seen in such a higher light here in the UK than in the states. I always thought it was shameful to hold such a job, but working through temp agencies throughout my studies and into 2026 is a big part of the reason why I could keep myself afloat for the last three years.
In this point in my life though, I really just want stability. I crave stability. It's a rarity to me that I even would get to this point in time. Growing up moving every two years or so left me feeling unsettled when I was in one place for too long. I didn't like being known, being recognised in a place. I hated the concept of being familiar to others and memorised the intricate details of the places I temporarily called home because I knew that I would likely be unable to ever return. Whenever it was time to pack up and move elsewhere, all the complicated feelings about losing the bonds forged was left along with the empty bedroom I once slept in.
I think this really started for me around the age of 12. We left Colorado under the guise of staying for the summer but circumstances changed, and I was ubable to return until I was an adult with autonomy. It was so difficult for me to cope with that loss, and I genuinely don't think I processed that until I went back to therapy at 23. Maybe that's why Colorado has such a special place in my heart, as it was the first place I truly felt a sense what it was like to be seen.
The same goes for Utah. I'm convinced that if I ever return to Park City that I'd likely break down in tears from the weight of it all, but I wonder if it's due to the fact that I never really got to say goodbye. Things ended with my partner at the time, and I didn't get the closure my brain craved. I wanted to thank their parents for all they had done to make me feel supported. There's always a small part of my heart that's latched onto those memories.
And to think that now I'm sitting at my desk, thousands of miles across the ocean from places permanently etched into my mind. I've spent nearly three and a half years in a country that is not my own. Moving here helped me process so much grief and mourn all my losses. I've grown so much in these last few years and gained a support network unlike anything I could've ever fathomed.
Today I started a new job. It's part time, but it's a permanent job. It's something tangible that gets me one step closer to keeping the solid ground I've worked to get to.
(nyt vähän suomen kieli)
Uusi työni on mukava. Työtoverini oli ystävällinen ja vieraavarainen. Olen tosi väsynyt, joten nyt nukun. Hyvästi.
Until next time...
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