Back to Work
After what felt like the longest 2.5h flight of my life, I made it back to London early Sunday morning and promptly got right back to work first thing yesterday. While it was nice to get myself more re-organised back at work, I definitely did not miss how little free time it gives me. I currently commute 60-90min each way (well, 58 minutes in the morning, and 1.5-2h on the way home depending on traffic) and since my work hours are 8-4, I am gone from the house from 6am to 6pm most days.
I got home at 5.30 today and realised that I had about 300 different tasks to complete atop of my usual nightly preparations for the next work day. I've got a mountain of paperwork to sort before I head back to the states for the first time in 3 years and despite my best efforts to be proactive, I can never seem to get it all done in a reasonable time frame.
Unfortunately my boyfriend has placed the rule on me that prevents me from actually working past 8pm on the computer, which can be a bit of a downer but actually works for getting me into bed on time. I'm too good at making work for myself - computer work included (If you're reading this A - thank you for enforcing it otherwise I'd go to bed at 11pm most nights, which worked during my uni schedule but isn't good for 6am wake up calls).
While I don't miss living in the shitty studio flat I had last year, I did miss the freedom it gave me to not feel surveilled...even at my detriment.
I dont really know if it's related to my autism, or if it's just a part of my personality, but the concept of being perceived sometimes rubs me the wrong way. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, but at random intervals I get irate at the thought of someone perceiving me...including this morning when one of my coworkers interrupted my breakfast to ask for some help in addressing an issue before my shift started...and following that when another coworker came in and began nosing around what I was getting up to when it was very obvious I was taking care of a situation and did not need any help. The feeling subsided after a solid two hours of not speaking to anyone else (and listening to an audio book, my personal choice in making the workday go by faster), but it was still a weird feeling knowing I was pissed off at coworkers for no good reason other than I just didn't want to be seen literally doing the same thing I do every day.
I don't have anything to hide, which is often the idea that some people get when I express my desires to work alone. I simply just want to exist in time and space on my own for a bit, be gone in my own world yet be physically present and aware of everything around me at the same time. I like taking in the world without the pressure to perform.
Short blog post today just because it's 8.30 and I know A will be bugging me to get off my computer (love u babe x).
(nyt vähän suomen kieli)
Minulla on suomenkurssi huomenna mutta en ole veilä kirjoittanut. Työ oli tuottavaa ja olen väsynyt. Nukun klo. 20, jotta saan yhdeksän tuntia unta.
Until next time...
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